Unforgiven
by Candy Crackpot
Summary: While he wishes for Allen's victory, Link aids the Fourteenth - and pays the price for it. Sequel to In Your Shadow.


The long-awaited sequel to In Your Shadow. Thank you for your patience and support, please enjoy and drop a review.

Unforgiven

 **Summary:** While he wishes for Allen's victory, Link aids the Fourteenth - and pays the price for it.

 **Characters:** Howard Link, Neah Campbell, Kanda Yuu, Allen Walker

 **Genre:** Romance, Angst, Drama

 **Pairing:** mild Pie Shipping and Yullen

 **Rating:** T

 **Warning:** pain, pain, pain. Neah is jabbing at people's weaknesses then proceeds to wank to people's pain. A bit of canon divergence. Sorry Fiidora, you're interesting and I like you so far but I'm trying to hurt people here. #strangulation mild but still there, read with caution.

This was updated later than originally intended, but I ended up adding even more stuff to this.

Unforgiven

Link's prayers were left unheard.

God had no mercy oh his Chosen One when he was tossed in the deepest, darkest and filthiest dungeon in His home, where his Disciples were supposed to be admired if not worshipped. Despite the Innocence covering his wound, the proof of being a Soldier of God, he was viewed the same as the evil they swore to destroy.

However, even with this harsh treatment, Walker refused to crumble; he remained completely silent during his interrogations and didn't even look at his meal, fearing that truth serum might be mixed in. As an Accommodator of a Parasitic Innocence, and on top of that an injured individual, Link couldn't let this pass, not eating could damage the boy's body and even shorten his already sparse lifespan.

He ignored the commotion in the cafeteria, where someone said Walker should be executed but he couldn't deny the seething fury it inflicted in him. These people didn't know or understand a thing about Walker.

 _Who are you to judge? Didn't_ _ **you**_ _betray him in the end as well?_

Clenching his jaw, he dismissed the inner accusation. The wrath remained.

Reaching Walker's temporary quarters Link kicked in his door and shoved the hot bowl of rice gruel right in his face, then turned away to sulk and let Walker consume his food silently. Really, who could want to have this _brat_ executed?

Munching quietly, his charge apologized for "attacking" him. Link was quick to snap at him, then continued to glare at him; Walker _was_ uncomfortable, but still didn't speak. So Link did instead. He confessed how he not only betrayed Walker, but his own family. The one who should carry the blame was him.

And Walker once again threw him off with his own confession. The boy hated the Thirds for making fun of the Akuma's suffering, but still cared for them, and now hearing just how much they meant to Link he cried for them. He mourned them for Link's sake who couldn't, he felt sorry for them and Link for losing their family.

There had to be a mistake. God must have made a mistake. There's simply no way someone who was so forgiving should be treated like this. There was no way God would abandon this Disciple.

What happened after was hazy. All Link remembered was the Noah coming, taking Walker and Timcanpy, leaving Link there to bleed out, agonizing over how he failed to protect Walker again.

When he woke up alive Link thought he was granted a second chance to save the boy. He was gravely mistaken.

The one he was assigned to protect was not Walker, but the Fourteenth. However, this is what Leverrier wanted, so Link obeyed, he followed orders like always - if not then what did Goushi and Kiredori died for?

He tracked down the boy with much difficulty. He needed to rely on his own memories of Walker mumbling all the places General Cross owed money to, information that Link didn't bother scribbling down but he engraved in his brain. After that it didn't take him long to find Walker, his ki was very distinctive, Link could easily tell it apart from the crowd if he was close enough.

While he was forbidden from contacting Walker, he was glad that the boy was still himself. He watched with a small smile on his how Walker lived his daily life, talking to Timcanpy, giving the golem determined smiles.

On the other hand, he dreaded the process that was taking place, that he will witness. Day by day, he could feel Walker's presence fade compared to the ever growing other presence within him. The boy he grew to love was there, right in front of his eyes, but just out of reach as always. He could cry, he could pray, he could beg God to let Walker live and take him instead, but he knew it was pointless. Link was powerless to save him, even if he could close the distance between them and cage him in an embrace it still wouldn't change a thing. It was like watching a star die - and just as heartbreaking.

Allen was on the verge of annihilation when the unexpected duo of Kanda Yuu and Johnny Gill showed up, risking their all to find and save the boy like he saved them.

But they were already too late.

Link cleared his face of all emotions as he knelt down, bowing his head in submission to the Fourteenth. Walker's soft features were twisted in an arrogant scowl as those mercury irises glared daggers at him. The relaxed posture was stiff with hostility and suspicion. This was a completely different person from the Walker he knew.

Mere prayers won't help, he had to act. He failed saving Walker and his siblings, but he had to move on. This wasn't the time to mourn them even if he felt he was breaking. He had to save the world.

 _If you came to save "Allen", it's too late you know._

He pretended that he didn't just hear that, he pretended it didn't hear to hear that normally soft voice spew so much hatred.

"Please use my life as you wish," he requested, trying to will himself to focus on the present.

The refusal was cold and calculating, just like Walker's voice had never been. "No."

He repressed a shudder as the Innocence arm, that saved him and so many people other times now closed around his neck threateningly. Still, he didn't object neither physically nor verbally.

"You just abandoned Allen, your friend slash not-so-secret crush," the Fourteenth pointed out; Link pretended he didn't feel his heart twist painfully at the reminder. "Do you think I'd truly trust you after you just threw him away like that?" Link let out a strangled gasp as the hand tightened. "I hate humans and you're a fine example why," the Fourteenth spat, voice full of loathing. He was absolutely serious. "I have no need for you, all I need is Tim."

Link tensed when the hand tightened around his throat he grunted, struggling to get enough oxygen to talk. "With the Order and the Noah chasing you, you'll need help. Also, some beast appeared and it destroyed Timcanpy," even though the grip eased, seeing the Fourteenth's reaction up close, Link didn't care to breathe.

Disbelief flashed in those silver eyes, making Link gasp as his heart lurched forward in his chest before his senses reminded him of the truth, snapping him out of the momentary illusion; for a fickle moment, Link truly mistook that expression to Walker's.

"What?" The Noah mumbled in utter shock, failing to grasp the information.

Link was about to pass out when he heard a barely audile swish, then the Fourteenth suddenly retracted, letting him go. Link spluttered as he fought to breathe then looked around to assess the situation.

Link stifled a surprised gasp seeing none other than Kanda Yuu stand between him and the Noah, who eyed Kanda with the same revulsion as he regarded Link. As Link finally got his senses back, he could also feel two strong presences nearby, a Noah and an Exorcist. The ground rumbled from their fight in the distance.

"A Noah almost sneaked upon you, General Tiedoll is taking care of him. I see you failed assassinating this bastard," Kanda said, with a hint of relief in his voice. Link was flabbergasted from Kanda Yuu's words before it dawned on him - Kanda thought that he was here to kill the Fourteenth. "Get lost, he's mine. If you're in the way I'll cut you."

Kanda took on a fighting stance, but he still didn't attack, he carefully eyed the enemy hiding in his Allen's skin, his hand clasped around the sword's handle with the barest of trembles. The Fourteenth didn't miss his hesitation. Dried lips curled into a malicious smirk as the Fourteenth's eyes turned to Link.

"Fine," the Noah agreed, flashing a sickly sweet smile in Link's way, that didn't quite reach his eyes. "Show me your worth and prove your loyalty to me, then. Capture him."

Kanda was caught off guard by the exchange, but in a moment of realisation hit him. He whipped around a second too late, Link already trapped him in seals. Body weighted down by the massive amount of seals, Kanda was forced to let go of his sword and fell to his knees, positively seething at Link.

"I should have fucking known," he spat with disdain. "You're not here to save the Beansprout, you're here for the Fourteenth!"

The words felt like stabs of daggers, but Link still kept his facial expression schooled; he knew very well that if he failed this test of the Fourteenth then he'd get killed and then there wouldn't be anyone to guard him.

Link closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "You're right," he exhaled. "I… I betrayed Walker. I knew I couldn't save him so I gave up on him." How could he even hope to save someone who's been abandoned and forsaken by God. "But I know what he held dear and I will protect it, even if I have to serve the Fourteenth," he swore. This is the least he could do for Walker. Pushing his guilt aside, he countered Kanda's murderous glare with pity that resulted in even more hatred from Kanda. "I'm truly sorry, but in order to win this war, some sacrifices need to be made."

Link flinched from the burst of ki exploding from Kanda. "You fucking disgrace, this is why he had to die?!" Kanda screamed in unforgiving anger. "For a coward like you? For a world that spat him out like some trash? Fuck you and don't go around saying it was a sacrifice when someone else does it for you!"

Link stared at Kanda's heaving form, taken aback by his uncharacteristic passion for a few seconds before realisation hit him.

Sacrifice. Of course Kanda would be infuriated at that particular word. He who have been raised in the aspect that he was nothing but a sacrifice… it hurt him that Walker and his absolutely pointless suffering was reduced to that cursed word and tied him even closer to Allen which resulted in even more anguish.

"I understand your wrath," Link pressed on, trying to keep his own emotions in check, lest he wanted to lose control of the seals and get killed by either Kanda or the Fourteenth, whichever found him sooner. "I too am deeply regretting not being able to help Walker… not being able to save him. I'm sorry."

"Cut the fucking crap! What the fuck do you even want to protect when you can't even protect the people you care for?!" Kanda roared. "I don't care about your fucking sob story! You _chose_ to help that bastard, _you_ chose him over the Beansprout! You left him to _rot away,_ to live in terror as he was getting devoured by that guy, and you think it's excused because _you're sorry_?"

The words felt like heavy stones being thrown at his him, they crashed in ruthlessly, straining his broken heart further that reacted physically - despite Link's impeccable physical state, the heavy pounding constricted his throat and twisted his heart in an unforgiving manner.

It hurt. Those words hurt, because the part of him he so desperately tried to bury, the part that sympathised with Walker, agreed.

 _But simply there was no other way._ "Do you think I wanted this?" Link hissed, unable to hide his bitterness. "Within my heart, I really… truly prayed that he'd make it… Because I knew that there was nothing I could have done."

Seeing this Kanda seemed to lose some of his fire. On the surface. His ki was running wild with pure killing intent directed at him. Link shuddered realising he managed to make Kanda even angrier. "You say that as if you had no choice," he said in an eerily calm, freezing voice. Link could feel his body tremble at the ill intentions aiming at him. Each word were a rope tightening around his neck. "But you did. You could have shown yourself and take off one burden of the many he carried. You could have supported him so the loneliness didn't eat him up."

Link's eyes widened at that, so Kanda noticed it too?

Of course he did, and now he regretted not doing a thing, that's why he was here. Both he and Kanda committed something unforgivenable towards Walker, however, Kanda seemed to be ready to lay down his life for saving the boy to repay his debt.

But he was already too late.

"You could have helped him put behind some of his self-loathing, but instead you let him suffer because you thought that would break him down and give way to the Fourteenth. But instead, you chose to wag your tail to Leverrier, even though you hated it. You _chose_ to betray him. You _abandoned_ him. You _could have_ saved him. But you _didn't_. You didn't even _try_ to." He abandoned him, just like the God who saddled him with all this burden. He had forsaken him just like the Order he fought so hard to protect.

Link couldn't contain his trembling; this tremendous guilt, it was too much. Kanda had brought him near his breaking point and he had no mercy on him, he stabbed the German with his words. "So fucking stop your self-pity when you didn't even lose what was most important to you."

Link choked back a whimper, biting his lips to keep himself from breaking concentration. He was right. Link lost his brothers and sisters because he blindly obeyed orders instead of even trying to understand the situation. He lost Walker because he didn't even try to save him from himself. All for the sake of orders, for that man.

He never learned, did he?

That's right, even though he lost the people he loved as his siblings, even though he lost Walker who was his hope of change, he still had that man. As long as the Secretary lived and used him, as long as he deemed Link useful, Link would still had a place to return to.

However… "Most important…" Link whispered, his gaze searching Kanda's bittering one. But wasn't that Alma Karma? Or he meant amongst those who were alive…? Suddenly everything fell into its rightful place. He turned his disbelieving eyes at the Exorcist.

 _Could it be?_ "You…"

The disgruntled click of tongue and that searing gaze getting ripped away was more than enough.

Kanda seemingly lost interest in trying to talk sense into him, which is why he turned his blazing eyes at the amused looking Fourteenth.

"Beansprout! Wake the fuck up you idiot!" he shouted,making the Fourteenth's lips twitch. "You promised to not let this asshole win! Come on, wake up!"

A hearty laugh resounded on the roof, curling Kanda's lips in a snarl, twisting Link's heart into more of a wreck. "He can't hear you," the Fourteenth taunted him with fake pity oozing from his eyes. "He's gone. You're late, it's too late for him." The Noah stepped closer to the the Exorcist, face twisted into a mocking smirk.

The Noah raised his arm and the two could feel energy concentrate in his upturned palm. "You look really troublesome so I kind of want to kill you," he confessed in the same calm tone as if he said it was going to rain soon. Kanda readied himself for the blow, but it didn't come. Blue eyes snapped wide open feeling the energy disspiate. "However, this time I'll let you go," he said leering into Kanda's shocked face. "Take it as returning the favour of fully awakening me."

Kanda couldn't react, just stare into the familiar stranger's eyes before he turned away from him, ashamed of the truth. Of course, this was his fault as much as it was Link's. He knew that, but being slapped with the truth like that… It hurt.

"You can shove your favours up in your ass, I don't need them," he muttered bitterly, shooting a withering glare at the other from behind dark bangs. "Even getting killed by you would be much better," he spat bitterly.

The Fourteenth laughed at the pitiful state Kanda was reduced into. "But then poor, poor Allen would have to stain is pwetty little fingers with your blood~" the person possessing Allen pointed out. "Or is it that you think that if you put yourself in danger he'd pop out and save you? How absurd and unlike you," he shook his head, grinning ear to ear; it looked so alien on his face. "Are you truly willing to go to such lengths for him?" He cocked his head to the side with an exasperated gaze. "How sweet. And useless. Your despair is laughable really. Give up already. Your Allen is gone. I won. The only one left standing is me."

"Shut up!" Kanda snapped at him fuming as he desperately tried to undo the seals so he could summon Walker back through physical contact seeing how verbal addressing didn't work. It was pointless, Link held him too surely.

Kanda's pointless struggle was met with another round of laughter. "My, just like a spoiled child who's mad that the toy he didn't care about so far is being taken away from him."

To add to the insult, the Noah even patted Kanda's head in fake pity. Kanda was seriously tempted to attempt biting it. "But you're not a little kid anymore so you do understand, right? When you grow up you have to put away your dolls."

Just as intended, this struck a nerve in Kanda, the Second Exorcist was starting to lose control over his wrath and yelled back at the bastard. "He's not some fucking _puppet_!"

"Ho? Why are you angry?" The Fourteenth pondered on it for a while then slapped as if realisation only dawned on him then. "Oh, that's right! You're a 'doll' as well! You're pretty torn and falling apart but you're still moving even after you destroyed the other dolly! How sad, you must feel pretty lonely all alone!"

He even brought Alma to this mess too. "Fuck off!"

Neah clicked his tongue like some disappointed parent over a misbehaving child. "Tsk, tsk, poor lonely dolly is angry because his friends were killed. They were taken away from you when you loved them!"

"Shut up, he's not some tool to use, he's human!"

The Noah paused a bit to admire his handy-work, a self-satisfied smirk etched itself to his face seeing the restrain Exorcist positively seethe at him, so far consumed in his burning rage that he failed to properly reason.

The Fourteenth chuckled, his amusement over Kanda's denial written all over his face. "Oh, but he is, very much so. He was used by the Order - not as long as you were, but still, he was used until the last drop of usefulness could be squeezed out of him. And at the same time, I used him as well. He splendidly played his role to cause quite a ruckus and disturb the integrity of the Order. I'm glad Cross stuck to the plan, now you annoying bunch won't be able to hinder me as much."

Kanda and Link were taken aback by the revelation. _So the General was involved with the Fourteenth so deeply that he went out his way to weaken the Order_ , Link realised in horror how the Exorcist and Noah used his Apprentice while Kanda had other concerns. "That idiot?! If anything he went out his way to hold the bunch together!" The little idiot would never intentionally hurt people.

 _Yet he still managed to waver the Order, didn't he?_

"And that's exactly why you guys are all in pieces right now, aren't you?" The Noah asked pointing at his new face. "You were taken in by this cute face and fell for this ridiculous play. It was all a lie you know. A phantasm. Or an illusion if you will." Dried lips twitched seeing the dagger like word pierce the man kneeling before him. "He only existed to deceive you, lure you in false peace then leave you in your remains. That's why he was created you know."

"Shut up!"Kanda refused to believe it, he refused to identify with that sort of pain. "He wasn't created! He's a human!"

"Oh, is he?" The Noah held a dramatic pause relishing the utter shock of the two pursuers - Kanda's perhaps more so since he was both unaware and uncaring of Allen's past until now. "You do know that Allen's origins are unknown, right? What makes you think that he's _really_ human?" He held back a laugh at the petrified expressions as he uncovered the truth. "He woke up without memories or family. That's because he was just an empty container, waiting for me, the ego to come forth. The 'Allen' you knew was nothing more than a necessary measure to keep this body functioning. The fact that I could so easily overpower him proves that. If he was really a person he would be able to resist, to 'switch' between us. But he can't. He isn't a real person. That died with Mana." For a second his smile diminished at the remembrance. "You know, after losing him Allen was reduced to a catatonic state that he didn't quite recover from. His heart never healed."

Kanda's mind was quick to react to the choice of words, it went back to the desolate land of Mater and the memory they shared.

 _There was something important that I lost long ago._

So this is what he meant back then? He was truly able to hide such thing without anyone figuring out? Kanda always knew that Allen was a liar, but not to such extent.

"Especially since he killed Mana with his own hand," the Fourteenth supplied, making Allen's and Kanda's situation even more alike. Kanda's seal burned painfully at the surging memories. So he too, killed his beloved to save himself. Was that the reason why he was so adamant from keeping Kanda from that fate?

"All that he has are different personality traits duct taped together so this body could function again. Would you truly call that human?"

Snapped back to reality, Kanda was quick to regain his grasp on the fury that fuelled his will. "People aren't tools! He is a human! He's Allen Walker! Even if he was meant to be some sort of replacement for you, he evolved past that state! Now he's a fucking idiot who sticks out his neck for others, even if it kills him!" Kanda saw the barest twitch in the Noah's frame. He appeared to be recalling something so Kanda used this chance to reel his mind in search of a way to throttle this guy's concentration. That way, Allen might wake up and this nightmare would be over.

"So what's the deal? Why are you dragging him so much? Are you pissed that he killed your brother? Is this your way of getting back to him?"

The Noah blinked in surprise at the sudden turn on the conversation, but Kanda didn't let him recover.

"Aren't you supposed to be grateful though? By killing your brother he saved _your_ sorry ass too, didn't he? If anything you're supposed to be grateful."

A shudder ran down on Link's spine seeing the atmosphere shift around the possessed boy. He shot a worried glance at Kanda. He might have been ready to get rid of all sorts of obstacles, but the Order couldn't lose any more Exorcists - especially not the only Crystal type General. However, if Kanda was pushing matters so boldly, the Fourteenth might go back on his word and kill him.

"So fucking stop this farce you idiot,"

Usually gloved, now bare hands twitched, as if in warning.

"And wake the fuck up already."

A confused scowl adorned the so far cocky face. "What?" The Noah asked, not quite getting what the Exorcist was talking about.

"I said wake the fuck up, Beansprout, you're blabbing nonsense" Kanda repeated glaring at the Fourteenth's surprised expression that was gradually growing malicious. "You want me to go back to punch you until you woke up? Read the debt notices out loud? Tell how much that idiotic bunch at the Order misses you? Or you'd rather if you were kissed awake by your blonde prince or me?"

Despite himself, Kanda smirked at the baffled expression he failed to elicit on that face until now. It was little reward though. Sadly, as much as he did succeed in dying the Crow's cheeks an intense pink he still didn't let go of Kanda.

"Come on, Allen. There, I said your stupid name, so you better wake up from your beauty sleep, _Allen_."

That was the first time Link heard Kanda call out on Walker's name. And it was on his first name, which was much, much more intimate; Link himself, who has been by his side for so long, never got to call him that.

A confused scowl marred the face of Walker, wondering just what was the captive aiming at. A flash of anger lit up on Neah' features realising that the Exorcist aimed to play his own game against him, calling out to Allen as if he wasn't there.

Link watched tensely as the enraged aura that was on the verge of snapping suddenly diminished. He didn't allow himself to relax though, seeing an unsettling smirk creep on Walker's face he could tell that the Noah was definitely up to something.

"Yeah, people aren't tools," the Fourteenth agreed, back to his carefree voice. "But Allen isn't really a person. It's just the name of this body that was meant to be used." With a deranged grin on his face, he lifted up the left arm that housed Crowned Clown. "I mean, if Allen really were a separate person, then why aren't I Falling?"

The faint hope Kanda felt was crushed ruthlessly.

The obvious question, that should have been long questioned by now, caught the two off guard. Link gulped, trying to rid himself from the dryness of his throat. Dread crept up on them, petrified by the implication. Having the Independent Innocence hunt Walker, they completely forgot about the other safety measure of the Innocence, that ensured no betrayals. If they followed that logic along with the fact that Walker was gone, _gone_ , _**gone**_ -

 _Then indeed,_

 _ **No.**_

Link tried to distance himself of that thought, but he couldn't. Not when all evidence pointed at that horrible conclusion.

Besides what did his feelings and wishes matter? Just because he wanted Allen to live, that won't excuse his betrayal.

 _If this Noah was was spared…_

 _ **Stop.**_

But he wanted to believe. He wanted to believe that Walker was truly a sacrifice to God, for which he would be gifted. He wanted to believe that being used by God personally _was_ a gift. That's how he was raised.

But in the end he just wanted peace from his screaming conscience, an outlet to stop feeling guilty about choosing the Fourteenth.

 _Then that could only be because-_

 _ **Please.**_

"Seeing that I'm still around while I have this ebbed in my body… I can only think that even your god meant to have Allen as _my_ tool."

There it was. The bitter truth Link wanted to avert his eyes from. The harsh realisation that Allen was merely the Noah's tool with no meaning to his life. That everything he did meant nothing, because he, himself was nothing.

Just an illusion.

 _Why did the truth always had to be so cruel…?_

"He even protected it for me so he could kill me again!

The Fourteenth was chosen by the Innocence. It synchronised with Allen so it could keep the Rouge Noah safe. Not Allen, the loving boy, but the vessel. God had abandoned him in favour of another traitor.

Glancing at Kanda's shaken expression, Link could tell that he reached similar conclusion. He tilted his head forward until bangs covered his eyes, teeth gritting all while the Fourteenth was leering at him.

"Theatrical as always, you little shit," he said glaring up at the Fourteenth. Link's heart twisted as he realised that Kanda was still pressing this matter. He was denying the obvious truth to keep his spirits.

 _But Kanda…_

How sentimental and unlike him.

 _Just because you deny the truth…_

But Link understood.

 _It won't change._

"Tool? Puppet? What a morbid idiot you are. You've always been like this. Pretending that you're invulnerable as you jumped into every damn fight with no plan. Was it because you believed that some higher power would drag your sorry ass out of trouble? I doubt it. You're not the kind of guy who cares about God or whatnot. The only thing you ever believed in was doing the right thing. That's why you saved me and all those other people. So do me a favour and cut this puppet bullshit and come back, Allen."

Before Link, a broken man kneeled, head bowed, crumbling under his sins. And yet, Kanda continued to yearn and fight and reach for the unreachable sky to reach who he desired. A fragile heart that was broken once and now again, had to face destruction.

It was what Link imagined what a grieving person who betrayed God and form pact with the Millennium Earl sounded like - full of anger, bitterness and despair. Feelings intense enough to call back a human soul from the afterworld and give birth to an Akuma.

That's right, after losing Alma Karma all the Second Exorcist had left was… "God fucking damn it, don't make me kill you!"

The wish he cried out instead of a name was bitter and desperate, the threat just Kanda's poorly veiled nightmare, the cruel reality of what he needed to do.

Link found himself empathising with his pain and impossible longing.

… Kanda truly did love Allen, didn't he?

The moment was brought to the end by the Fourteenth. In a flash, the Noah was there in Kanda's face, his left hand closed around Kanda's throat as a sign of dominance and overwhelming power. He was the one in control while the Exorcist was nothing more than a mere insect and he was making sure that he too, understood that.

"How adorable of you to adhere to Allen so much, especially when you play a great role in my awakening."

He almost brushed Kanda's cheek as he leaned to whisper his poison in the other's ear. Now that Kanda revealed his heart, he could crush it with little effort. His lips quirked into a sneer, withholding laughter - it wouldn't do good if he spoiled the fun in impatience. Choosing his words attentively, he breathed the toxic words into Kanda's skin. "But that's not 'love'."

All of sudden Kanda's struggling ceased. Like cold, icy water dumped on raging flames, Kanda's anger vanished. The only thing left was ringing silence and a panging emptiness in his chest. He stopped breathing altogether. Sneering, the Noah watched his expression with interest; stealing a glance at Link, satisfied to see similar effect on him as well. It was better to kill all resistance within him if he were to truly serve him.

Finally a raspy breath brushed past Kanda's trembling lips. "Wha-?"

His voice was uncharacteristically quiet and hesitant - just how the Fourteenth wanted him to be. He gave him a wide smile. "Do you think that your current feelings can be attributed to "love"? Oh, you naive fool. You just _care_ for him. But that's no _love_. Love means acting for the sake of your loved ones. Love means trampling on others for your loved ones. Love means making sacrifices for your loved ones. Even now, you're not really here to save him, you just want to escape your guilt. You and the blondie over there," the two tortured individual exchanged terrified glances, "you didn't act for Allen's sake. On the contrary, you sacrificed him for your own goals, despite 'caring' for him."

The Noah pulled away, leaving Allen's faints scent lingering in the air, like another subtle but very painful reminder that he was erased from this world. Kanda's unfocused eyes widened when he felt familiar eyes with an alien look scal into him, condemning him. "That's not love," his torturer breathed on him. "You're just seeking forgiveness when we all know such act can never be forgiven."

He was trembling. Kanda hates it but here he was shaking under the tremendous guilt this person packed on him. He knew he only did it to get an opening, to hurt him, but hearing that voice blame him, seeing that face hate him… It was too much.

He heard a low chuckle and suddenly the Noah was out of range, but still towering above him, like executor over the criminal. His punisher looked down on him without an ounce of pity in those normally compassionate silver eyes - but they were never, ever going to go back to normal. Allen wasn't coming back.

Despite the Noah breaking their gazes, Kanda could still feel the crushing pressure.

"I guess this is your punishment. Yours for betraying him. Yours for sacrificing him … And Allen's for letting it happen."

The cold eyes darting onto Link rooted him to the ground. He didn't dare to move, he didn't dare to breathe. His heart was pounding in his chest, as if wanting to free itself, as if it wanted to leave the pathetic excuse of a human being Link currently felt himself and rather throw itself at the face it grew to adore - even if it bled out in the way, even if it was pointless. Even though he knew it was impossible, he still wanted to be with Allen so badly.

Kanda got back to his senses as he heard footsteps grow fainter. "Let's go, Link. As much fun as it is to mess with him we're short on time. I don't want to meet the Noah or the Order just yet, I have to get used to this body properly if I want to exploit Allen's face. I can only fool people once by pretending to be Allen."

Link, still too stiff and dizzy after having the blood rushing in his veins rush so fast, could only nod tensely.

Neah beamed at him with pure malice and opened a gate.

Realising that he was about to lose sight of Allen again, this time for good, Kanda started to struggle again; the seed of despair Neah implanted in his mind bursting out, casting him back to misery.

"Hey!" he shouted, his voice desperate, but posing as enraged. That's the kind of person he was. He always hid his sorrow behind wrath. The burning anger has always been easier to deal with than the devastating feeling of loss. "Hey, Beansprout!"

The cuff around Allen's- the Fourteenth's wrist crumbled. "Let's go, Link," the Fourteenth said pleasantly, ignoring Kanda calling out to the boy whose skin he was wearing, the boy who he killed. "You passed my first test, but don't you think you're off the hook, if I decide you're untrustworthy I'll kill you."

Link's whole body felt as if it was moving on its own as he nodded, he was just a passenger watching things unfold, he couldn't even register Kanda's despair.

"Allen! Wake up, Allen!"

"That's quite alright," Link replied.

Kanda's agonized screams repeating Walker's name over and over faded in the distance. Glancing back over his shoulder, Link was shocked to see wetness on the Exorcist's cheeks. In that second, he could feel it on his own face too. He was crying as if the truth only stuck him now.

Walker was gone. Kanda lost his most important person once again. Link lost someone very dear to him again. And both of them were at fault for it.

Kanda was right, he let his charge to die all alone drowning in despair… because Link was too much of a coward to save him. If Link was killed by Allen that would just be a relief that he was killed by the person who was accused of murdering him. Maybe that way he could atone for his betrayal.

No, that was only wishful thinking. Walker was no more. He would be unable to kill Link. And no matter how gruesome his death would be, it would never be enough. It was much for fitting of a punishment to stay by the side of that lovely face, knowing that it didn't belong to him anymore.

 _I'm sorry, Kanda… Allen… What I'm doing right now is an unforgivenable act towards both of you._

 _Allen, I hope you're the very least furious and you hate me. I can't stand the thought of you forgiving what I've done. I'm not worthy of your kindness._

 _Kanda… I robbed you of your dearest in the name of the war. I will protect the Fourteenth to the end, but if you want to kill me, I have no objections._

 _You have the right to kill me._

 _I_ _ **want**_ _you to kill me and him. If Allen is truly gone, at least I want you to be able to fulfill your promise towards him. Even though I won't let you._

 _So come... and kill me. Free us from this fate._

 _I'll be waiting._


End file.
